Two weeks ago, we spent a few days by the lake with family.
Lots of sun, swimming and the kind of kid-chaos that somehow becae background noise after a while.

But then something strange happened.

After a few days, I found myself growing increasingly annoyed with one of the family members.

The way she rushed everyone.
The way she overreacted to tiny things.
The way she was so precise, demanding, over-controlling.
It was loud. Not her voice—her energy.

At first, I just brushed it off. But one evening I slowed down.
I stopped trying to get over it and instead asked myself:
Why is this really bothering me?

And that’s when it hit me like a cold plunge.

“She was me.”

Not the “me” of today, but a crystal-clear mirror of my past self.
That version of me who was always on edge, rushing, pushing, controlling—thinking that excellence lived in intensity.

It was a strange experience: watching my old patterns in someone else’s body.
The only difference now?
I can catch those behaviours when they arise and shift them in real-time.

But back then?

“No one told me.
No one called me out.
No one gave feedback.”

They probably didn’t want the discomfort.
Didn’t want the “stress” of telling a high performer something he didn’t want to hear.

Which made me wonder:
How many relationships did I quietly poison by being unaware of how I showed up?

And more importantly for leaders…

How often does this exact thing play out in business?
Where someone’s behaviour annoys the whole room… but no one says a word?
Where teams hold their breath around a leader who’s overbearing, reactive, perfectionistic—yet never gets honest feedback?

Here’s what I’ve learned:

“Always ask for feedback.
Always be open to hearing what you don’t want to hear.
You can’t change the version of yourself you refuse to see.”

Because if you’re never annoying anyone, you’re probably not growing.
And if you are annoying someone but no one tells you…
You may not be as effective as you think.

Two questions to sit with:

• What might your team wish they could tell you—but won’t, unless invited?
• Are you brave enough to see a reflection of yourself… that you might not like?

Love,
Laszlo